sado masochism

there's this ulcer right at the bottom of my lower gums, and it's so fucking huge and fucking painful.

i can't help myself, i need to probe it, i need to reassure myself that it is still there, i am addicted to that little jolt of pain that the barest minimum contact brings.

if i were to venture a guess, i'd say i'm 80% masochist and 20% sadist.