Thursday, September 28, 2006


sometimes it's easy to lose sight of your original goals when you are submerged in the abyss of bureaucratic shit. i joined the grad book team because i wanted to effect change from internally. to voice out what the majority of the cohort was saying and to put it this way:

i joined the orh orh ji peng.

and my interests realigned with the committee and like any other sucker i began to believe in the doublespeak and doublespeak became the truth for me because the propagandic bullshit manufactured seeped into my brains and i sold my soul to the fucking devil.

and instead of voicing out what the majority of the cohort is saying i started to think that the cohort was against us personally because when you are trying your best to service an unreceptive audience, you start to think that they are all against you and that their sole purpose in life was to make things harder for us by being uncooperative both mentally and physically.

and instead of thinking for the cohort, thinking of ways to cut down the budget, thinking of ways to increase the participation, it became "us" against "them in the battle for finance and participation in the graduation book. and it became - for me at least - something that was to be won. i stopped thinking like the common man in the cohort and started taking a "it's either you die or i die" stance against them - which totally defeats the original purpose of my joining the committee.

power corrupts, yes. very much so. and then i asked myself what have i actually done to achieve my original goals?

what were my original goals actually?

i can't remember now. i think it was something along the lines of "get those bastards and justice will prevail" thing - but i just ended up being one of the bastards.

ironic isn't it?

and so i apologise to every single fucking person in the cohort who has fucked my brains up with this epiphany i just had.

i'm not a self-sacrificing idiot. truth is - all of us are selfish creatures. the time i have spent on this graduation book thing is more than any amount of time you have spent on it. the amount of time you have spent criticising it, and complaining about it would have been better spent on constructive criticism and actual help on the book.

of course, i knew what i was getting into, but the complaints and criticisms just wore me down and quite frankly, i'm fucking sick of your attitude. if you want it, do something about it. sitting there on your couch, typing insults on the internet, leaving annonymous complaints without giving us suggestions on how to improve the graduation book is just frankly, a fucking pain in the ass.

so go fuck yourselves and have a nice day.