Goodbye for real.

i just recieved news of a friends death this morning, around 1am. apparently she committed suicide. and as much as i throw the word around sometimes, this really hit me pretty hard. because 1. she was my junior, younger than me by a year, and 2. she's always been the happy-go-lucky type. i never thought she'd up and do something like this.

i've always felt apathetic towards the issue of suicide. if someone wants to do it, why not let them? it's not a big deal, and if they want to die, let them. but now, i feel old. older. old enough to understand why my parents shake their heads and get angry when they hear about someone committing suicide. i am sad for her, but i'm angry at her too. i don't know the circumstances that led to her committing suicide, but it makes me angry to see so much potential being snuffed out.

it makes me almost laugh to think how i thought suicide was a pretty cool way to go. but really, it isn't.

not at all.