rambling.

i had this dream last nigh - more like a nightmare. i was trying to draw a car, and for some reason it just wasn't coming out right. it was probably in a class setting. though i cannot remember very many details, the frustration at not being able to draw a car in the correct persective made me so pissed off i upended all the drawing materials on the table and crumpled that piece of work.

and then i woke up.

sado masochism

there's this ulcer right at the bottom of my lower gums, and it's so fucking huge and fucking painful.

i can't help myself, i need to probe it, i need to reassure myself that it is still there, i am addicted to that little jolt of pain that the barest minimum contact brings.

if i were to venture a guess, i'd say i'm 80% masochist and 20% sadist.