i finally

watched KITE!

Dear Singapore,

It's been a while since we've seen each other, haven't we? Yeah, I've been out of the country. I missed you while I was gone. I missed your scent, your touch, your warmth, the sight of you. I missed the feeling of you.

After all, I've known you my entire life. I've waved your flag, sang your song and pledged myself to you. I love you. I do love you even if I deeply resent you sometimes, because I see the reflection of you in me.

In the way I am insecure with my own achievements but gloat immodestly about them at the same time.

In the way I sometimes pay no heed to who I hurt as long as I get to the top and how I become tyrannical when things don't go as I planned - though I lack your dictatorial genius and ruthless ambition.

But most of all, in the way I try to gloss over my perceived failings and embarrassments while trying to pretend they don't exist.

Maybe some of your undesirable traits have passed on to me over the many years we've known each other.

I have realized now, that it is your vulnerability that draws me to you. I love you not for your sleek and fashionable image you love portraying to others. I love you for you. Who you are behind the expensive clothes and cosmetics.

I know it is hard to let go of that facade and perhaps even harder to destroy that perfect image you have been trying to maintain to outsiders; but surely it is more comfortable if you would let down your hair a little? Let go of that stomach you've been sucking in and wear some ratty black clothes once in a while. You'll be amazed at how comfortable flip-flops are when compared to the four-inch stilettos you always wear.

You don't have to try so damned hard to be perfect all the time. It's sickening to watch you castigate yourself over some stray hairs and a wrinkled blouse. You are human, not some fucking android. You're allowed some imperfections.

I know you have your insecurities, but so do I. We don't have to pretend anymore, since we're both in the same boat. The admission of your weaknesses will not lessen the love I have for you.

Listen, why don't we catch up over some drinks soon? Somewhere different from the wine bars you like to visit. Let's go for beer. You don't have to worry about a beer gut, you're still young!

Of course we'll go for Stella Artois, none of that Tiger Beer stuff.

Yet.











- - - -

something i wrote for stories.sg

not sure if they'll post mine up though.

i have this blog in any case.

aha-

ag in love.

with plastic toy soldiers.

particularly those from Conte, The Longest Day (WW II series), German soldiers.

Set 1>>



Set 2>>

Musing.

"In 1985 or 1986, watching my son Mike wheel his tricycle around the graveyard next door to our house that we used because we didn't have a garden, I thought of an idea for a story about a small boy who wandered into a graveyard and was raised by dead people. Then, deciding I wasn't a good enough writer, I didn't write it.
Over the years I'd pick up a scrap of paper and try to write a scene from near the beginning, conclude I wasn't good enough yet, and put it aside.
Recently I came to the conclusion that I wasn't getting any better. So I wrote a short story called "The Witch's Headstone", which will probably be chapter 4 or 5 of the book.
And today I finished writing Chapter One of The Graveyard Book, and it's a real book. I know it's a real book because there are all sorts of things I don't quite know yet, and I can't wait to find them out.
Happiness.”
-- Neil Gaiman 02/15/07






it comforts me to know that I am not alone in my procrastination of not wanting to do some projects because I know I have yet the level of skill to do it justice.

Again

I've always attributed global warming to human causes. but is it too presumptuous and arrogant to think that humans have enough significance to cause this much destruction to a cosmos that has existed before we were even monkeys and will remain even after our disappearance?

I'm not very sure.

I need to think some more.

Would you like an upsize?

Okay, so my writing style has always been sparse, but the last few posts are ridiculous. I don't really know why I'm updating this blog for anymore, because I think hardly anyone reads it.

But somewhere deeeep deeep down in that dark little tiny space in my hearts of hearts i'm an egotistical exhibitionist who thinks that whatever crap I write is so riveting it keeps people coming back for more; even long long periods of non-blogging and once-in-a-blue-moon posts can't keep them away.

In all honesty, I'm not really enjoying my time in Australia. And i've been pretty vocal about my unsatisfaction, well, to some people. I think there might be more for me to do back in Singapore than what I'm learning here. But fuck it la. Since I'm here already, might as well make the most of it. This change in mindset came surprisingly quick actually; after my first four months of moping and emo-ing here I thought it'd be the same for the next few months after my return from Singapore.

I've been enjoying my solitude since I came back to Aussie. It allows me genuine introspection without judgement. It's like withdrawing into my own world and feeling like I'm in a bubble or cocoon, cut off from the rest of the world.

Why is it so amazingly simple to have a change of perspective, and why is that change in mindset so easily achieved? And after achieving it, why is everything I think and do so different?

It feels like a miracle somehow. I feel happier.

That's a good thing.

Today's a good day.

On a side note, I seem to be delving more into words than pictures lately. This change may be a good thing.

Today

i + music - bad starbucks experience + books + quiet spaces + nice architecture + live jamming on the streets = 100% awesome.



Today = good day.